[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by shadow boxer [/i]
[B]To give you an indication of how serious I am about that book... provide me with a mailing address and I'll send one to you.
If you buy it yourself, its likely to be the best 20 or so bucks you ever spent.
You might even uncover some uncomfortable truths about you and your wife and (gasp!), your daughter may have a couple valid points. Nobody's perfect, not you or your daughter.
Understanding is the answer. [/B][/QUOTE]
How DARE you suggest that i'm not perfect!!! :)
what was the book again, my wife works at a bookstore, so i can have her order it, and get a 25% discount, woo hoo.
i do appreciate all the advice. we've tried sitting her down and talking, but she's unwilling to.
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Messiah [/i]
[B]The problem with friends are that they are most often more willing to offer support than good advice. And thats the best thing with friends too.. :D [/B][/QUOTE]
yep, thats why friends are a blessing and a curse,
I'd be willing to bet that if shes unwilling to talk that means she knows she has a weak hand to play, she prolly cant find any justification for her actions and hence she doesnt want to be put in a position where she has to.
Two ways of playing that :
1) Call her on it. "You dont want to sit down and talk to us because you don't think you're going to be able to justify or maybe even find the funds to pay for your actions."
Thats a dangerous apporach, ripe with confrontation because you're making her look like a fool, even if she is indeed being one. If she's genuinely mature she'll take that on the chin, if not, she'll prolly rant and huff and walk... I'd only try this if you haven't got anything else to play, because it may lead to her throwing a long overdue tantrum and come out the otherside with some more understanding. No 'age challenged' person wants thier parental units to be right, thats just wrong...:)
2) Dont give her the opportunity to escape scrutiny. Write her a letter and put in in her hands.
Once again, throw her a bone, (with a string). "You've obviously made your mind up, against our wishes and preferences and put us in a very difficult position. You're asking us to compromise what we believe to support you in your choices. You're asking us to surrender some of our values to accomodate yours. Fair's fair.
Here's what we will not allow you to do, point blank.
Make a list of stuff she cant have... but make sure theres an equally long list of stuff she can have... provided she presents a damn good arguement for having such rights or privledges.
I dunno... straight out bribery perhaps ? A seperate bathroom ? Dont most girls her age hate sharing such spaces ? Whatever... just make sure she pays for it with grades and attendance..:)
Kids do respond to justice.
The book :
Please Understand Me II (two)
David Keirsey
ISBN : 1-885705-02-6
remember, the book is as much a tool to pry her open as much as anything else. In order to sucker her into reading it and doing the analysis herself, you need to do it first. I'd be willing to bet that you sitting down and subjecting yourself to a little mapping of your mind would make her sit up and take notice. You're going some extra miles, maybe way out of your comfort zone for her. If she's a half way decent kid she'll see that and she'll respond. By offering her the chance to see the inside of your head in a different way may indeed pique her curiousity enough for her to kowtow to the 'olds' just so she can get another couple levers to work on you with..:)
I'll put even money on her being some sort of 'Artisan'... you'll quickly learn what 'Artisan' means in the book. In a nutshell... you've been 'blessed' with one of the most rebellious types of people out there... much rispeck to you if indeed she is, cos you've already earned your stripes as parents getting her this far.
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by shadow boxer [/i]
[B]I'd be willing to bet that if shes unwilling to talk that means she knows she has a weak hand to play, she prolly cant find any justification for her actions and hence she doesnt want to be put in a position where she has to.
Good luck :) [/B][/QUOTE]
thanks for all the advice, she is going to NYC tomorow, and unless I pull in favors from the local police, i've no way to stop her, she has however told her mother that she will call to check in when she gets there, and she has not indicated if she plans on coming back in 10 days liek she's supposed to, she has told her boss (a friend of mine) that she'll be back, so there is that.
we're also going to call all her friends parents in NYC and let them know exactly whats going on.
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Entil'Zha [/i]
[B]we're also going to call all her friends parents in NYC and let them know exactly whats going on. Its a tough situation any way you look at it. [/B][/QUOTE]
It still amazes me that you're not allowed to prevent her from running away to NYC because of the law. _NYC_ of all places.
ShadowDancerWhen I say, "Why aye, gadgie," in my heart I say, "Och aye, laddie."London, UK
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by JohnD [/i]
[B]It still amazes me that you're not allowed to prevent her from running away to NYC because of the law. _NYC_ of all places. [/B][/QUOTE]
its those annoying things called human rights:rolleyes: if you ask me they've gone a little to far in how they can be applied
Biggles<font color=#AAFFAA>The Man Without a Face</font>
Well, it's that whole question of when someone is considered an adult and thus responsible for themselves in the eyes of the law. The problem being that you can't blanket apply a single age to every kid.
Have someone take her to McDonalds and ask if she wants to spend the rest of her life there or another five years or so in high school and a university.
And you wonder what's wrong with TODAY'S teenagers???
Heck, I'm at your age myself and I couldn't even imagine having a child who'd be a teenager already. 15 year old people are still just childs themselves.
heh.. She sounds like someone I know.. Differnt Situation of course..
I never "Skiped" class. I would just get my mom to phone me in sick for the day, Mind you I only did it once or twice a month, and on days where theres nothing to do at school.
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by PJH [/i]
[B]You made a child at 15 years of age???
And you wonder what's wrong with TODAY'S teenagers???
Heck, I'm at your age myself and I couldn't even imagine having a child who'd be a teenager already. 15 year old people are still just childs themselves.
- PJH [/B][/QUOTE]
Umm there are other ways of getting kids other than making them yourself you know, like marring someone with one.
I sware Firstones needs an official stalking service / detective agency.
You know to handle these situations.
Man, I was terrified when my friend went off to NYC and that was just for grad school, she's fairly good common sense wise but as a petiet asian female she tends to radiate "victomize me!" and attract perverts.
Maybe you could talk to the NYC contingent of FO's maybe some of them have ideas about local resources you can utilize to make sure she doesnt get wrapped up in anything stupid.
And if she Does, Sanfam, Curz and I already have plans drawn up for these kinds of situations! Were looking at specilizing in "extractions" and "counsiling"
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Entil'Zha [/i]
[B]No way, those mall kids cost too much, never pay retail, buy them at a warehouse... like thailand [/B][/QUOTE] Wouldn't recommend that, you would never know if your girl really is a girl ;)
Reaver. are you pissed at us because we told you to dump the psycho?
You dont understand, our goal is for something resemling a HAPPY Reaver, and the only way to have a HAPPY Reaver is to have a much less fucked up Reaver
THE PSYCHO BITCH WOULD HAVE JUST MESSED YOU UP MORE!!
which is bad mmkay?
plus you got girls in your city, district, province what ever to work with.
Crap Entil'Zha I suggest we just send your daughter to stay with Reaver for a week or so, THAT should scare her back into the complete security of home.
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Tyvar [/i]
[B]our goal is for something resemling a HAPPY Reaver[/B][/QUOTE]When did this happen? I certainly wasn't notified.
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Entil'Zha [/i]
[B]Umm there are other ways of getting kids other than making them yourself you know, like marring someone with one. [/B][/QUOTE]
Well, got to say I didn't think of that, but still having a 17 year old kid at 32 sounds a little odd to me, but sure there are those who marry older people who have kids. So how old is your wife? Close to 40?
Comments
[B]Understanding is the answer. [/B][/QUOTE]
Nono. Understanding is a three edged sword.
[B]To give you an indication of how serious I am about that book... provide me with a mailing address and I'll send one to you.
If you buy it yourself, its likely to be the best 20 or so bucks you ever spent.
You might even uncover some uncomfortable truths about you and your wife and (gasp!), your daughter may have a couple valid points. Nobody's perfect, not you or your daughter.
Understanding is the answer. [/B][/QUOTE]
How DARE you suggest that i'm not perfect!!! :)
what was the book again, my wife works at a bookstore, so i can have her order it, and get a 25% discount, woo hoo.
i do appreciate all the advice. we've tried sitting her down and talking, but she's unwilling to.
[B]You finally broke that habit, huh? :D [/B][/QUOTE]Long time ago. :)
[B]The problem with friends are that they are most often more willing to offer support than good advice. And thats the best thing with friends too.. :D [/B][/QUOTE]
yep, thats why friends are a blessing and a curse,
Two ways of playing that :
1) Call her on it. "You dont want to sit down and talk to us because you don't think you're going to be able to justify or maybe even find the funds to pay for your actions."
Thats a dangerous apporach, ripe with confrontation because you're making her look like a fool, even if she is indeed being one. If she's genuinely mature she'll take that on the chin, if not, she'll prolly rant and huff and walk... I'd only try this if you haven't got anything else to play, because it may lead to her throwing a long overdue tantrum and come out the otherside with some more understanding. No 'age challenged' person wants thier parental units to be right, thats just wrong...:)
2) Dont give her the opportunity to escape scrutiny. Write her a letter and put in in her hands.
Once again, throw her a bone, (with a string). "You've obviously made your mind up, against our wishes and preferences and put us in a very difficult position. You're asking us to compromise what we believe to support you in your choices. You're asking us to surrender some of our values to accomodate yours. Fair's fair.
Here's what we will not allow you to do, point blank.
Make a list of stuff she cant have... but make sure theres an equally long list of stuff she can have... provided she presents a damn good arguement for having such rights or privledges.
I dunno... straight out bribery perhaps ? A seperate bathroom ? Dont most girls her age hate sharing such spaces ? Whatever... just make sure she pays for it with grades and attendance..:)
Kids do respond to justice.
The book :
Please Understand Me II (two)
David Keirsey
ISBN : 1-885705-02-6
available direct from :
P&N books
Box 2748
Del Mar
CA 92014
760-632-1575
fax 858-481-0535
or :
[url]http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1885705026/qid=1118801885/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/103-5561980-4162259?v=glance&s=books&n=507846[/url]
remember, the book is as much a tool to pry her open as much as anything else. In order to sucker her into reading it and doing the analysis herself, you need to do it first. I'd be willing to bet that you sitting down and subjecting yourself to a little mapping of your mind would make her sit up and take notice. You're going some extra miles, maybe way out of your comfort zone for her. If she's a half way decent kid she'll see that and she'll respond. By offering her the chance to see the inside of your head in a different way may indeed pique her curiousity enough for her to kowtow to the 'olds' just so she can get another couple levers to work on you with..:)
I'll put even money on her being some sort of 'Artisan'... you'll quickly learn what 'Artisan' means in the book. In a nutshell... you've been 'blessed' with one of the most rebellious types of people out there... much rispeck to you if indeed she is, cos you've already earned your stripes as parents getting her this far.
Good luck :)
[B]I'd be willing to bet that if shes unwilling to talk that means she knows she has a weak hand to play, she prolly cant find any justification for her actions and hence she doesnt want to be put in a position where she has to.
Good luck :) [/B][/QUOTE]
thanks for all the advice, she is going to NYC tomorow, and unless I pull in favors from the local police, i've no way to stop her, she has however told her mother that she will call to check in when she gets there, and she has not indicated if she plans on coming back in 10 days liek she's supposed to, she has told her boss (a friend of mine) that she'll be back, so there is that.
we're also going to call all her friends parents in NYC and let them know exactly whats going on.
Its a tough situation any way you look at it.
[B]we're also going to call all her friends parents in NYC and let them know exactly whats going on. Its a tough situation any way you look at it. [/B][/QUOTE]
It still amazes me that you're not allowed to prevent her from running away to NYC because of the law. _NYC_ of all places.
[B]It still amazes me that you're not allowed to prevent her from running away to NYC because of the law. _NYC_ of all places. [/B][/QUOTE]
its those annoying things called human rights:rolleyes: if you ask me they've gone a little to far in how they can be applied
Less like telling her what to do that way.
And you wonder what's wrong with TODAY'S teenagers???
Heck, I'm at your age myself and I couldn't even imagine having a child who'd be a teenager already. 15 year old people are still just childs themselves.
- PJH
I never "Skiped" class. I would just get my mom to phone me in sick for the day, Mind you I only did it once or twice a month, and on days where theres nothing to do at school.
Anyway, Teenagers are stupid.
[B]You made a child at 15 years of age???
And you wonder what's wrong with TODAY'S teenagers???
Heck, I'm at your age myself and I couldn't even imagine having a child who'd be a teenager already. 15 year old people are still just childs themselves.
- PJH [/B][/QUOTE]
Umm there are other ways of getting kids other than making them yourself you know, like marring someone with one.
[B]Or buying them in a mall ;) [/B][/QUOTE]
No way, those mall kids cost too much, never pay retail, buy them at a warehouse... like thailand
You know to handle these situations.
Man, I was terrified when my friend went off to NYC and that was just for grad school, she's fairly good common sense wise but as a petiet asian female she tends to radiate "victomize me!" and attract perverts.
Maybe you could talk to the NYC contingent of FO's maybe some of them have ideas about local resources you can utilize to make sure she doesnt get wrapped up in anything stupid.
And if she Does, Sanfam, Curz and I already have plans drawn up for these kinds of situations! Were looking at specilizing in "extractions" and "counsiling"
[B]No way, those mall kids cost too much, never pay retail, buy them at a warehouse... like thailand [/B][/QUOTE] Wouldn't recommend that, you would never know if your girl really is a girl ;)
You dont understand, our goal is for something resemling a HAPPY Reaver, and the only way to have a HAPPY Reaver is to have a much less fucked up Reaver
THE PSYCHO BITCH WOULD HAVE JUST MESSED YOU UP MORE!!
which is bad mmkay?
plus you got girls in your city, district, province what ever to work with.
Crap Entil'Zha I suggest we just send your daughter to stay with Reaver for a week or so, THAT should scare her back into the complete security of home.
If not make her slightly phobic of people :P
[B]our goal is for something resemling a HAPPY Reaver[/B][/QUOTE]When did this happen? I certainly wasn't notified.
We like taking on impossible odds.
And this is all in the fun of #firstones the IRC channel. go, observe, enjoy!
[B]Yeah, I know how good you advice is>< [/B][/QUOTE]
Out advice is fine, it's your desire to not follow it that's the problem.
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by the_exile [/i]
[B]When did this happen? I certainly wasn't notified. [/B][/QUOTE]
That's what you get when you stop coming to the channel. :)
[B]When did this happen? I certainly wasn't notified. [/B][/QUOTE]
This is what happens when you skip the weekly meetings to go out and play nude croquet. :D
[B]Umm there are other ways of getting kids other than making them yourself you know, like marring someone with one. [/B][/QUOTE]
Well, got to say I didn't think of that, but still having a 17 year old kid at 32 sounds a little odd to me, but sure there are those who marry older people who have kids. So how old is your wife? Close to 40?
- PJH